| 01 General ( 665 ) |
| QUIP 0001 - I never repeat gossip _ so listen carefully the first time | QUIP 0002 - The hurrier I go _ the behinder I get | QUIP 0003 - Ill have to think twice about it _ before I give it a second thought | QUIP 0004 - I got out of bed this morning _ so far so good |
| QUIP 0005 - Im writing this slow cause I know ya kaint read very fast | QUIP 0006 - Birthdays are good for you_ the more you have the longer you live | QUIP 0007 - Heres a little blurb | QUIP 0008 - Cyberspace delivery _ and its from me |
| QUIP 0010 - Whatever suits you fine _ just tickles me plum to death | QUIP 0011 - I just work here | QUIP 0012 - So _ are you the dog or the fire hydrant | QUIP 0013 - All my get up and go _ dun got up and went |
| QUIP 0014 - It was all so different before everything changed | QUIP 0015 - The reward for hard work _ diligence and thrift is more taxes | QUIP 0016 - Well now _ bless yer little pea pickin heart | QUIP 0017 - Its not a matter of life and death _ its more important than that |
| QUIP 0018 - Always in question _ but never in doubt | QUIP 0019 - The young know the rules _ the old know the exceptions | QUIP 0020 - Things are more like they are now _ than they were before | QUIP 0021 - Breaking News |
| QUIP 0023 - Too old too soon _ too smart too late | QUIP 0024 - The future just isnt what it used to be | QUIP 0026 - Are you the asprin _ or the headache | QUIP 0027 - Unto each life a little rain must fall |
| QUIP 0028 - Tax deductible now falls under the _ Endangered Species Act | QUIP 0030 - Ask me no questions _ Ill tell you no lies | QUIP 0031 - Im outta here | QUIP 0032 - This is a total embarrassment |
| QUIP 0033 - My mind works like lightning _ one brillant flash and its gone | QUIP 0034 - My problem is not age _ its the mileage | QUIP 0035 - Pardon me _ Im searching for a thought | QUIP 0036 - Of all the things I ever lost _ I miss my mind the most |
| QUIP 0037 - Work harder _ millions on welfare depend on you | QUIP 0038 - Blessed are those who laugh at themselves _ for they shall always be amused | QUIP 0039 - Its easier to fight for your principles _ than to live up to them | QUIP 0040 - Its not hard to meet expenses _ theyre everywhere |
| QUIP 0044 - I suffer occasional delusions of adequacy | QUIP 0045 - Call me if you need my phone number | QUIP 0046 - If every fool wore a crown _ wed all be kings and queens | QUIP 0047 - Im not too old to cut the mustard _ just too damn tired to spread it |
| QUIP 0048 - Ninety-nine percent of the lawyers _ give the rest a bad name | QUIP 0049 - I refuse to have a battle of witts _ with an unarmed person | QUIP 0050 - If you cant win with reason _ go for volume | QUIP 0051 - If I want your opinion _ Ill give it to you |
| QUIP 0054 - I came into this world with nothing _ and I still have most of it left | QUIP 0055 - A clear conscience is _ the sign of a bad memory | QUIP 0056 - I feel like a fugitive _ from the law of averages | QUIP 0057 - Horn broken _ watch for finger |
| QUIP 0058 - Hey _ its coffee time | QUIP 0059 - I couldnt afford to fix the brakes _ so I made the horn louder | QUIP 0060 - Confucious say _ man who fart in church set in own pew | QUIP 0061 - I feel more like I do now _ than I did awhile ago |
| QUIP 0062 - Countless people have read my emails _ some have gone to lead perfectly normal lives | QUIP 0065 - Danger _ attention span exceeded | QUIP 0066 - Dares too much consumin goin on ou dare | QUIP 0067 - Experience is a wonderful thing _ it enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it |
| QUIP 0068 - Forget all those health foods _ I need all the preservatives I can get | QUIP 0069 - You _ have a dinner invite | QUIP 0070 - Dinner is ready _ when the smoke alarm goes off | QUIP 0071 - Do I have an attitudinal disorder _ or what |
| QUIP 0074 - Jus _ doin my yard work | QUIP 0075 - Dont play stupid with me _ Im better at it | QUIP 0076 - Dont ask the question _ if you cant live with the answer | QUIP 0077 - Dont be a jerk |
| QUIP 0078 - Dont call me _ Ill call you | QUIP 0079 - Hey, dont laugh _ this is impotent | QUIP 0080 - Dont look at horse _ in the mouth | QUIP 0081 - Dont look in the pond _ if you think youre beautiful |
| QUIP 0084 - Dont talk _ unless you can improve on the silence | QUIP 0085 - Dont tell anybody _ but | QUIP 0086 - Dont use force _ use a bigger hammer | QUIP 0087 - Dont watch the trees_ watch the forest |
| QUIP 0088 - Dont worry about tomorrow _ today aint over yet | QUIP 0089 - Dont worry about what people think _ they dont do it very often | QUIP 0090 - A dream _ come true | QUIP 0091 - Drumroll please |
| QUIP 0094 - Another email featuring _ ME | QUIP 0095 - Err ya feelin like ya been rode hard _ and put away wet | QUIP 0096 - Ever been scared half to death _ dont do it twice | QUIP 0097 - Ever feel like you are just _ spinning your wheels |
| QUIP 0098 - Ever old dog _ has his day | QUIP 0099 - Every morning is the dawn of a new error | QUIP 0100 - Every vision has an equal and opposite revision | QUIP 0101 - Everyone has a photographic memory _ some just have no film |
| QUIP 0102 - A mistress is something between _ a Mister and a mattress | QUIP 0103 - Everything depends _ nothing is always _ everything is something | QUIP 0104 - Ah feel yer _ pain | QUIP 0105 - Experience is what you have left _ when everything else is gone |
| QUIP 0107 - Filthy, stinking and rich _ well two out of three aint bad | QUIP 0108 - I just spent ten minutes in the bathroom _ trying to find some hair to comb | QUIP 0110 - Foaming at the mouth | QUIP 0111 - Fool me once _ shame on you _ fool me twice _ shame on me |
| QUIP 0112 - Accidents will happen | QUIP 0113 - Frankly my dear _ I dont give a damn | QUIP 0114 - Sometimes I just freakin amaze myself | QUIP 0115 - Now heres a genuine _ attitudinal disorder |
| QUIP 0116 - Get a grip | QUIP 0117 - Surely you jest | QUIP 0118 - Get out | QUIP 0119 - Gettin my drift |
| QUIP 0120 - So _ Ya gettin any | QUIP 0121 - Go the extra mile | QUIP 0122 - God grant me patience _ now | QUIP 0123 - Gone crazy _ be back shortly |
| QUIP 0124 - A picture is worth _ a thousand words | QUIP 0125 - Good morning is an oxymoron | QUIP 0126 - Im practicing _ good spousekeeping | QUIP 0127 - This is just _ goodern grits |
| QUIP 0128 - Got my mojo working | QUIP 0130 - Guess who is the _ fall guy | QUIP 0131 - Guess who was the skunk at the picnic | QUIP 0132 - Hangn in _ hangn on _ hangn out |
| QUIP 0133 - Happiness cannot buy money | QUIP 0134 - Happy days are here again | QUIP 0135 - Has anyone kissed my husband today _ hillary | QUIP 0136 - Have internet _ will travel |
| QUIP 0137 - Have you heard this | QUIP 0138 - Having one of those days | QUIP 0139 - He doesnt have both oars in the water | QUIP 0141 - He really stepped in it this time |
| QUIP 0142 - He reminds me of the North end of a horse _ going South | QUIP 0143 - He who angers you _ conquers you | QUIP 0144 - He who laughs last _ thinks slowest | QUIP 0145 - Headn out _ to the local choke puke |
| QUIP 0146 - Hear what you wanted _ or what I said | QUIP 0147 - Hello _ this is your constant variable | QUIP 0148 - Here are the details | QUIP 0149 - Here is your _ antidote to bordem |
| QUIP 0150 - Here is your breath _ of fresh air | QUIP 0151 - Heres a distinction _ without a difference | QUIP 0152 - A positive attitude may not solve all of your problems _ but it will annoy enough peopl | QUIP 0153 - Heres an update |
| QUIP 0154 - Heres the _ latest | QUIP 0155 - Heres the thing | QUIP 0156 - Hes a cup and saucer short of _ a full place setting | QUIP 0157 - Hes a loose cannon |
| QUIP 0158 - Hes a schmuck | QUIP 0159 - Hes about as bright as a fence post | QUIP 0160 - Hes certainly not the sharpest knife in the drawer | QUIP 0161 - Hey _ ah aint dead yet |
| QUIP 0162 - Hey _ blame somebody else | QUIP 0163 - Hey _ do it yourself | QUIP 0164 - Hey _ take a break | QUIP 0165 - Hindsight is an exact science |
| QUIP 0166 - Hits you where you live | QUIP 0167 - Hometown values _ right here | QUIP 0168 - Honesty is the best policy _ there is less competition | QUIP 0169 - Hope ya _ get my drift here |
| QUIP 0170 - All things in moderation | QUIP 0172 - How are you | QUIP 0173 - How bout a date | QUIP 0174 - How bright is this |
| QUIP 0175 - Buy and save _ how do you spend and save at the same time | QUIP 0176 - How do you know youre old _ When regrets take the place of dreams | QUIP 0177 - How does this register _ on your misery index | QUIP 0178 - Hows yer schedule looking |
| QUIP 0179 - I aint talkin _ while the flavor lasts | QUIP 0180 - I always look at the world _ thru rose colored glasses | QUIP 0181 - I always wanted to be a procrastinator _ but never got around to it | QUIP 0182 - I am a blogger _ and proud of it |
| QUIP 0183 - I am free of all prejudices _ I hate everybody equally | QUIP 0184 - I am nobody _ nobody is perfect _ therefore I am perfect | QUIP 0185 - I am not a perfectionist _ but my parents were | QUIP 0187 - I can dig this |
| QUIP 0188 - I can fix this | QUIP 0189 - I can resist anything _ except temptation | QUIP 0190 - I cant find it | QUIP 0191 - Alright _ Lets not pussy-foot around |
| QUIP 0192 - I deserve this | QUIP 0193 - I didnt hear that | QUIP 0194 - I distinctly remember forgetting that | QUIP 0195 - I dont have an attitude problem _ you have a perception problem |
| QUIP 0196 - I dont suffer from insanity _ I enjoy every minute of it | QUIP 0198 - I favor this | QUIP 0199 - Aim high reach your goals _ aim low and avoid disappointment | QUIP 0200 - Alright |
| QUIP 0201 - I feel sooo _ good | QUIP 0202 - I get dibbs on _ bragging rights | QUIP 0203 - I had amnesia once, maybe twice | QUIP 0204 - I have a conundrum |
| QUIP 0205 - I have been humbled | QUIP 0206 - I have the vacuum cleaner blues | QUIP 0207 - I hit the bulls eye | QUIP 0208 - I invested ninety percent of my money in wine, women song _ the rest I just waisted |
| QUIP 0209 - I just got lost in thought _ it was unfamiliar territory | QUIP 0210 - Well I know enough to know _ that I dont know | QUIP 0211 - I live in my own little world _ but its okay _ they know me here | QUIP 0212 - I love you |
| QUIP 0213 - Am I scoring points | QUIP 0214 - I need a break | QUIP 0215 - I need a little _ drinky | QUIP 0216 - Applause _ please |
| QUIP 0218 - Oops _ I really stepped in it this time | QUIP 0219 - Arent you glad you use dial _ dont you wish everyone did | QUIP 0220 - I still have it | QUIP 0221 - I still miss my ex _ but my aim is getting better |
| QUIP 0222 - An intellectual explanation | QUIP 0223 - I used to be apathetic _ but now I just dont care | QUIP 0224 - I used to be indecisive _ now Im just not sure | QUIP 0225 - I used to be schizophrenic _ but now were okay |
| QUIP 0227 - I will defend till the death _ your right to my opinion | QUIP 0228 - If anything simply can not go wrong _ it will anyway | QUIP 0229 - And the beat goes on | QUIP 0230 - If everything seems to be going well _ obviously you have overlooked something |
| QUIP 0231 - Be good to your children _ they will be picking out your nursing home | QUIP 0232 - If ignorance is bliss _ why arent more people happy | QUIP 0233 - If ignorance is bliss _ you must be orgasmic | QUIP 0234 - If it doesnt work _ paint it |
| QUIP 0235 - If it goes without saying _ let it | QUIP 0236 - If they paid me what Im worth _ someone would be writing this for me | QUIP 0237 - If we are what we eat _ then I am easy _ fast and cheap | QUIP 0238 - If you cant convince them _ confuse them |
| QUIP 0239 - If you cant do it _ teach it | QUIP 0240 - If you cant take the heat _ stay out of the kitchen | QUIP 0241 - Atheistic dyslexics dont believe in dog | QUIP 0242 - If youve got em by the balls _ their hearts and minds will follow |
| QUIP 0243 - If you mess with the bull _ yer gonna get the horn | QUIP 0244 - If youre not making waves _ you arent kicking hard enough | QUIP 0245 - If youre not outraged _ you are not paying attention | QUIP 0246 - If youre not the lead dog _ the scenery never changes |
| QUIP 0247 - A husband is a man who is boss of his house _ and has his wifes permission to say so | QUIP 0248 - Im a little under the weather | QUIP 0249 - Im as nervous as a bomb squad member _ with the hiccups | QUIP 0250 - Im as proud as a peacock |
| QUIP 0251 - Im baaaak | QUIP 0252 - Im being direct here | QUIP 0253 - Im diggin this | QUIP 0254 - Im going _ the extra mile |
| QUIP 0255 - Im having a _ conniption fit | QUIP 0256 - Im having a grandma moment | QUIP 0257 - Im having one of those days | QUIP 0258 - Im just settin here _ perusing my refried dreams |
| QUIP 0259 - Im not retired _ just plain tired | QUIP 0260 - Its another _ who done it | QUIP 0261 - Im on autopilot | QUIP 0262 - Im speakin out |
| QUIP 0263 - Beam me up Scotty | QUIP 0264 - Im trying to imagine you with a personality | QUIP 0265 - In it to win it | QUIP 0267 - In my condition I qualify as _ handicapped |
| QUIP 0268 - In your face | QUIP 0269 - Income tax is capital punishment | QUIP 0270 - Indecision is the basis for _ flexibility | QUIP 0271 - Is there a familiar barnyard aroma here |
| QUIP 0272 - Is this cheeky _ or what | QUIP 0273 - Is this convincing or what | QUIP 0274 - Its a keeper | QUIP 0275 - Its a rat race |
| QUIP 0276 - Jiggers _ its a trick | QUIP 0277 - Its a who done it | QUIP 0278 - Its all urine _ pee pee | QUIP 0279 - Its called _ fiscal responsibility |
| QUIP 0280 - Being good at being stupid doesnt count | QUIP 0281 - Its going to hell _ in a handbasket | QUIP 0282 - Its just me | QUIP 0283 - Believe me now _ Hmmm |
| QUIP 0284 - Its so dry around here _ the trees are bribing the dogs | QUIP 0285 - Ive lost that lovin feeling | QUIP 0286 - Ive still got it | QUIP 0287 - Just because I dont care _ doesnt mean that I dont understand |
| QUIP 0288 - Just because you are smart _ doesnt mean the other guy is stupid | QUIP 0289 - Keep doing what youre doing and _ youll keep getting what youre getting | QUIP 0290 - Keep your chin up | QUIP 0291 - Kiss _ keep _ it _ simple _ stupid |
| QUIP 0292 - Kooky | QUIP 0293 - Lawyers creed _ A man is innocent until proven broke | QUIP 0294 - Lead me not into temptation _ I can find that myself | QUIP 0295 - Lead _ follow _ or get out of the way |
| QUIP 0296 - Learn from your parents mistake _ use birth control | QUIP 0297 - Leopards dont change their spots | QUIP 0298 - Let me entertain you | QUIP 0299 - Let me soothe your worries |
| QUIP 0300 - Lets boogie | QUIP 0301 - Lets go shop _ until we drop | QUIP 0302 - Lets make a comparison | QUIP 0303 - Lets make a distinction here |
| QUIP 0304 - Lets talk _ and make nice | QUIP 0305 - Lets talk | QUIP 0306 - Liberalism _ is a Mental Disorder | QUIP 0307 - Life goes on _ and on _ and on |
| QUIP 0308 - Life is a whole series of circumstances _ beyond our control | QUIP 0309 - Life is not an exact science _ we make it up as we go | QUIP 0310 - Life is short _ make fun of it | QUIP 0311 - Life is something that happens _ while you are making other plans |
| QUIP 0312 - Livin large _ and loving it | QUIP 0313 - Its lonely at the top _ but you eat better | QUIP 0314 - Look out for No one _ and dont step in No two | QUIP 0315 - Love _ hath arrived |
| QUIP 0316 - Love is grand _ divorce is a hundred grand | QUIP 0317 - Love is temporary insanity _ curable by marriage | QUIP 0318 - Mad as a hatter | QUIP 0319 - Im so damn mad I could just _ explode |
| QUIP 0320 - Make crime pay _ become a lawyer | QUIP 0321 - Maturity is a high price to pay _ for growing up | QUIP 0322 - May I _ confide in you | QUIP 0323 - Let me divert your attention _ for just a few minutes here |
| QUIP 0324 - May I have your undivided attention | QUIP 0325 - Mental floss _ prevents moral decay | QUIP 0326 - Mondays are an awful way _ to spend one-seventh of your life | QUIP 0327 - Money cant buy love _ but it can buy a close imitation |
| QUIP 0328 - Money isnt everything _ but it keeps the kids in touch | QUIP 0329 - Monkey business | QUIP 0330 - More about _ the master of disaster | QUIP 0331 - More golden prose _ and its from me |
| QUIP 0332 - More word games | QUIP 0333 - Most people make sense _ Im not one of them | QUIP 0334 - Moving right along | QUIP 0335 - Mums the word |
| QUIP 0336 - Murphys Law | QUIP 0337 - My dog is cutern yours | QUIP 0338 - My mind not only wonders _ sometimes it leaves completely | QUIP 0339 - Big Dog, whats shakin |
| QUIP 0340 - My pencil is coming up a little short on lead _ if you get my drift | QUIP 0341 - Blessed are the censors _ for they shall inhibit the earth | QUIP 0342 - My reality check _ just bounced | QUIP 0343 - My romantic weekend |
| QUIP 0344 - My wife always gives me two choices _ take it or leave it | QUIP 0345 - My wild oats have turned into _ prunes and Allbran | QUIP 0346 - Ah need yer advice _ please | QUIP 0347 - Never do today _ what you can put off till tomorrow |
| QUIP 0348 - No matter what happens theres always _ someone who knew it would | QUIP 0349 - I have no way to go _ but up | QUIP 0350 - Not all of those that wonder are lost | QUIP 0351 - Im not broke _ just badly bent |
| QUIP 0352 - This is not criticism | QUIP 0353 - Now aint this a pisser | QUIP 0354 - Now _ Im bent out of shape | QUIP 0355 - Blues _ dispair and agony on me |
| QUIP 0356 - Off the record | QUIP 0357 - Oh _ horsefeathers | QUIP 0358 - Okay _ keep staring, I may do a trick | QUIP 0359 - On a wing a prayer |
| QUIP 0360 - On the fritz | QUIP 0361 - Once in a blue moon | QUIP 0362 - Oops _ Ive been found out | QUIP 0363 - The blind are leading the blind |
| QUIP 0364 - Party Time | QUIP 0365 - Pay attention _ Im suckn up | QUIP 0366 - Politically incorrect _ and proud of it | QUIP 0367 - Powerful Stuff |
| QUIP 0368 - Press No one for Spanish _ Press No two for English | QUIP 0369 - Pure rhetoric | QUIP 0370 - Put a sock in it | QUIP 0371 - Put yer thinking cap on |
| QUIP 0372 - Read it and weep | QUIP 0373 - Ready for primetime | QUIP 0374 - Reflections | QUIP 0375 - Relative to what I write _ I have resolve |
| QUIP 0377 - Required reading | QUIP 0378 - Response requested | QUIP 0379 - I ripped em _ a new one | QUIP 0380 - Roll _ with the punches |
| QUIP 0381 - Say What | QUIP 0382 - Scrutinize this | QUIP 0383 - This is a shot in the dark | QUIP 0384 - Smokin |
| QUIP 0385 - Some cause happiness wherever they go _ others whenever they go | QUIP 0386 - Some days you feel like the pigeon _ others more like the statue | QUIP 0387 - Some words of wisdom | QUIP 0388 - Somebody fell off the deep end |
| QUIP 0390 - Sometimes the answers elude us | QUIP 0391 - Sometimes it seems like _ my bucket has a hole in it | QUIP 0392 - Sometimes life just sucks | QUIP 0393 - Stating the obvious |
| QUIP 0394 - Straight from the horses mouth | QUIP 0395 - Stuff it _ In that particular orifice wherein the sun dont shine | QUIP 0396 - Such a deal | QUIP 0397 - Support bacteria _ its the only culture some people seem to have |
| QUIP 0398 - Take him to the _ lock-up | QUIP 0399 - Talk about a has been | QUIP 0400 - Talk about a mental midget | QUIP 0401 - Talk about dysfunctional |
| QUIP 0402 - Cant avoid it _ only endure it | QUIP 0403 - The best things in life are free _ and worth every penny of it | QUIP 0404 - The cats in the canary store | QUIP 0405 - The day opportunity knocked _ I wasnt in |
| QUIP 0406 - The early bird gets the worm _ but the 2nd mouse gets the cheese | QUIP 0407 - The earth revolves around the sun _ not this creep | QUIP 0408 - Can you believe this | QUIP 0409 - The inmates are _ running the asylum |
| QUIP 0410 - The most popular labor saving device _ is still money | QUIP 0411 - Im not the chairman of the board _ just plain bored | QUIP 0412 - The only time he opens his mouth _ is to change his feet | QUIP 0413 - The probability of anything going wrong _ is in inverse proportion to its desirability |
| QUIP 0414 - The second thing I do in the morning is _ brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue | QUIP 0415 - I am bored and certified _ or visa versa | QUIP 0416 - There are 350 varieties of shark _ not counting lawyers | QUIP 0417 - Theres so little reality anymore |
| QUIP 0418 - Busy as a one-eyed man _ at a burlesque show | QUIP 0418 - I may not be as good as I always was _ but Im as good once as I ever was | QUIP 0419 - This aint no bull | QUIP 0420 - This doesnt qualify as _ dog food |
| QUIP 0422 - This email is not _ a genuine imitation | QUIP 0423 - Call me | QUIP 0424 - This fella is definitely in my crosshairs | QUIP 0425 - This guy has a twisted imagination _ and a chainsaw |
| QUIP 0426 - This guy needs an anal exam | QUIP 0427 - This has been mentally postponed _ for psychological comfort | QUIP 0428 - This hits the nail on the head | QUIP 0429 - This is a word deli _ take from it what you will |
| QUIP 0430 - This is as fullfilling as_the wonderbra | QUIP 0431 - This is _ bunk and bull | QUIP 0432 - This is important | QUIP 0433 - This is just slickern snot |
| QUIP 0434 - This is my favorite day | QUIP 0435 - This is my passion | QUIP 0436 - This moves me | QUIP 0437 - This too shall pass |
| QUIP 0438 - This turkey is a real piece of work | QUIP 0439 - I am thoroughly pissed | QUIP 0440 - Thought provoking | QUIP 0441 - Glad tidings _ from the chronologicallyted |
| QUIP 0442 - Tis a fine day _ friend | QUIP 0443 - This is just slickern snot _ on a glass doornob | QUIP 0444 - Hello there _ can we talk here | QUIP 0445 - Hi _ I have some travel tips for you |
| QUIP 0446 - Chicken Little _ the whole freakin sky is falling | QUIP 0447 - Cant _ sorry that word is not in my vocabulary | QUIP 0448 - Let me walk you thru this | QUIP 0449 - Wanna go a few rounds |
| QUIP 0450 - Watch your Ps Qs | QUIP 0451 - We all have the right to be stupid _ just dont abuse the privilage | QUIP 0452 - We have a situation here | QUIP 0453 - We need to shut this down |
| QUIP 0454 - Well now _ aint this just ducky | QUIP 0455 - Dancing is a vertical expression of _ a horizontal desire | QUIP 0456 - What a freakin moron | QUIP 0457 - What do ya make of this |
| QUIP 0458 - What goes around _ comes around | QUIP 0460 - Whatever hits the fan _ is never evenly distributed | QUIP 0461 - Conserve water _ shower with a friend | QUIP 0462 - Whats all the brouhaha |
| QUIP 0463 - Whats odd about this | QUIP 0464 - When all else fails _ read the directions | QUIP 0465 - When the going gets tough _ the tough get going | QUIP 0466 - When women go wrong _ men go right after them |
| QUIP 0467 - Alright _ who cut the cheese | QUIP 0468 - Whod a ever thunk it | QUIP 0469 - Close _ but no cigar | QUIP 0470 - Work _ is a four letter word |
| QUIP 0471 - World class talent | QUIP 0472 - Yah _ seen it all _ done it all _ just cant remember any of it | QUIP 0473 - You are sooo good _ when you are bad | QUIP 0474 - You can pick your friends _ but not your relatives |
| QUIP 0475 - You cant buy love _ but you can pay dearly for it | QUIP 0476 - You cant win them all _ but you sure can lose them all | QUIP 0477 - Well now _ it appears that you have a hell-of-a grasp for the blatant obvious | QUIP 0478 - You might want to keep yer day job |
| QUIP 0479 - You missed the point | QUIP 0480 - You thought you had problems | QUIP 0481 - You wanna kiss my _ what | QUIP 0482 - Doing Great |
| QUIP 0483 - Youre about as useful as _ a one legged man in an ass kicking contest | QUIP 0484 - Youve got to stand for something, or _ youll fall for anything | QUIP 0485 - Yup _ just doggin it today | QUIP 0486 - Zero to bitch _ in two seconds flat |
| QUIP 0487 - Cock bull story | QUIP 0675 - According to my calculations _ the problem doesnt exist | QUIP 0676 - All reports are in _ Life is now officially unfair | QUIP 0677 - All the kookies are not in jars |
| QUIP 0678 - Consciousness is that annoying time _ between naps | QUIP 0679 - Depression is merely anger _ without enthusiasm | QUIP 0680 - Few people blame themselves _ until they have exhausted all other possibilities | QUIP 0681 - All I ask is the chance to prove _ that money cant buy me happiness |
| QUIP 0682 - I neglected to mention something _ that bears repeating | QUIP 0683 - I worked myself up from nothing _ to a state of extreme poverty | QUIP 0684 - If the thunder dont get you _ the lightning will | QUIP 0685 - If you are what you do _ then when you dont _ youre not |
| QUIP 0686 - If you explain so clearly that nobody can misunderstand _ somebody will | QUIP 0687 - Its hard to make a comeback _ when you havent been anywhere | QUIP 0688 - I didnt misspell anything _ and Im not responsible for shorts in my keyboard | QUIP 0689 - Some women are discovered _ others are found out |
| QUIP 0690 - Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when _ I grew up | QUIP 0691 - When you are over the hill _ you pick up speed | QUIP 0692 - Come early and _ stay late | QUIP 0693 - You always get the most _ of what you need the least |
| QUIP 0694 - You are born an original _ dont die a copy | QUIP 0704 - Its hard to fly with eagles _ when you work with a bunch of turkeys | QUIP 0708 - For sale _ Iragi rifle _ never fired _ dropped once | QUIP 0709 - There are three kinds of people in the world _ those who can count and those who can not |
| QUIP 0711 - I was wrong once _ that was the time that I thought I was wrong but was actually right | QUIP 0712 - Your day has just been made _ Its me | QUIP 0713 - Lets deal with the _ superlatives | QUIP 0718 - Im back _ on the pity pot |
| QUIP 0721 - Work is for people who _ dont know about golf | QUIP 0722 - A Fine is a tax for doing wrong _ A Tax is a fine for doing well | QUIP 0723 - The Ten Commandments _ are not multiple choice | QUIP 0724 - I went to a meeting where the minutes were kept _ but the hours were lost |
| QUIP 0725 - Coming over _ I will proudly serve whatever you bring | QUIP 0727 - The older the fiddle _ the sweeter the tune | QUIP 0729 - Do not go where the path may lead _ go instead where there is no path and leave a trail | QUIP 0731 - Nobody ever listens to me _ until I fart |
| QUIP 0732 - Team effort is _ everbody doing what I say | QUIP 0733 - I dont do mornings | QUIP 0734 - Well _ Alrighty then | QUIP 0735 - Mirror, mirror on the wall _ what the - - - happened |
| QUIP 0737 - That ole dog wont hunt | QUIP 0738 - That ole boy is lowern a snakes belly _ in a wagon rut | QUIP 0740 - Winners never quit _ quitters never win | QUIP 0741 - The squeaky wheel _ gets the grease |
| QUIP 0742 - Whether you think you can or think you cant _ youre right | QUIP 0743 - Theres snow on the roof but _ theres still fire in the furnace | QUIP 0744 - A closed mouth _ gathers no foot | QUIP 0745 - Im plum tuckered _ worn to a frazzel |
| QUIP 0746 - Im going to have _ a hissie fit | QUIP 0747 - Heres the long and short of it | QUIP 0748 - This is the straw that _ broke the camels back | QUIP 0749 - You got to where you are because _ you began at where you were |
| QUIP 0750 - The apple doesnt fall _ far from the tree | QUIP 0751 - Ya gotta dance with _ the one what brung ya | QUIP 0752 - Hey _ cut me some slack | QUIP 0756 - Mind your own beeswax |
| QUIP 0757 - Ah been burnn the candle _ at both ends | QUIP 0758 - Tongue and cheek | QUIP 0770 - Never squat with your spurs on | QUIP 0773 - If at first you dont succeed _ redefine success |
| QUIP 0774 - First things first _ but not necessarily in that order | QUIP 0775 - If you cant measure the output _ then you measure the input | QUIP 0776 - If you dont change direction _ you are likely to wind up where you are headed | QUIP 0782 - We have enough youth _ How about a fountain of smart |
| QUIP 0783 - Forget the Joneses _ I keep up with the Simpsons | QUIP 0785 - The more people I meet _ the more I like my dog | QUIP 0788 - When you do a good deed get a receipt _ in case Heaven is like the IRS | QUIP 0791 - Where theres a Will _ I wanna be in it |
| QUIP 0792 - IRS _ We have what it takes _ To take what you have | QUIP 0798 - Im always willing to share _ my ignorance | QUIP 0800 - The light at the end of the tunnel _ has been shut off due to budget cuts | QUIP 0805 - Chaos, panic, disorder _ my work here is done |
| QUIP 0806 - Good news is lifes way of _ keeping you off balance | QUIP 0826 - It seemed like a good idea _ at the time | QUIP 0845 - Im at an age now _ where my birthday suit needs pressing | QUIP 0848 - Well _ turn my frown _ upside down |
| QUIP 0849 - Money talks _ but all mine ever says is _ goodbye | QUIP 0850 - You can either agree with me _ or _ be wrong | QUIP 0852 - Doesnt expecting the unexpected _ make the unexpected become the expected | QUIP 0853 - He who puts head in sand _ will get kicked in the end |
| QUIP 0854 - I dont have a solution _ but I do admire the problem | QUIP 0855 - Jesus loves you _ Its everyone else that thinks you are an ass | QUIP 0856 - Hell hath no fury like the lawyer _ of a woman scorned | QUIP 0857 - The sooner you fall behind _ the more time you have to catch up |
| QUIP 0859 - I refuse to have a battle of witts _ with an unarmed person | QUIP 0860 - I tried being reasonable _ I didnt like it | QUIP 0861 - We all boil _ a varying degrees.fla | QUIP 0890 - Lets go back to dial phones _ so we dont have to press one for English |
| QUIP 0891 - If you can read this, thank a teacher _ If you can read this in English, thank a soldier | QUIP 0903 - It is better to remain silent and appear stupid _ than to open your mouth and remove all | QUIP 0933 - After all is said and done _ usually more is said than done | QUIP 0973 - Simple things _ for simple minds |
| QUIP 0980 - Style is usually all that matters _ when you have no control over substance | QUIP 0981 - Make it idot proof, and _ someone will just make a better idot | QUIP 0982 - I gave up smoking, drinking, and sex _ it was the worst fifteen minutes of my life | QUIP 0983 - People who say you cant buy happiness _ just dont know where to shop |
| QUIP 0984 - Gun control _ is using both hands | QUIP 0988 - There never was a cowboy _ that couldnt be throwed | QUIP 0989 - What belongs to everybody _ belongs to nobody | QUIP 0990 - Truth and oil _ always come to the surface |
| QUIP 0991 - To talk without thinking _ is to shoot without airming | QUIP 0992 - Though a tree grow ever so high _ the falling leaves return to the ground | QUIP 0993 - There are many paths to the top of the mountain _ but the view is always the same | QUIP 0994 - The reverse side _ also has a reverse side |
| QUIP 0995 - Since we cannot get what we like _ let us like what we get | QUIP 0997 - Put silk on a goat _ and its still a goat | QUIP 0999 - Love your neighbors _ but dont pull down the fence | QUIP 1000 - Lend your money _ and lose your friends |
| QUIP 1001 - In a calm sea _ every man is a pilot | QUIP 1002 - If you do not sow in the Spring _ you will not reap in the Autumn | QUIP 1003 - Half a loaf _ is better than none | QUIP 1004 - Give the Devil _ his due |
| QUIP 1005 - A tree falls _ the way it leans | QUIP 1006 - A rumor goes in one ear _ and out many mouths | QUIP 1010 - You cant make an omelette _ without breaking eggs | QUIP 1013 - I cant use my cell phone in the car _ I have to keep my |
| QUIP 1015 - My idea of rebooting is _ kicking some in the butt twice | QUIP 1017 - As you make your bed _ so must you lie in it | QUIP 1018 - God gives every bird his worm _ but he does not throw it into the nest | QUIP 1019 - Dont lose your temper _ nobody else wants to find it |
| QUIP 1020 - Fall seven times _ stand up eight | QUIP 1023 - If things get better with time _ then I am approaching magnificient | QUIP 1042 - Im on a seafood diet_everytime I see food, I eat it | QUIP 1043 - Families are like fudge_mostly sweet with a few nuts |
| QUIP 1044 - Some people are wise_and some otherwise | QUIP 1046 - I just need enough to tide me over_until I need more | QUIP 1048 - As you slide down the banister of life_may the splinters never point the wrong way | QUIP 1049 - What is the difference between inlaws and outlaws_outlaws are wanted |
| QUIP 1052 - A grown-up is someone_who suffers from responsibility | QUIP 1053 - Blessed are those who can give without remembering_and take without forgetting | QUIP 1054 - If you can buy a persons friendship_it isnt worth it | QUIP 1055 - People who are wrapped up in themselves_are over dressed |
| QUIP 1056 - One nice thing about egotists_they dont talk about other people | QUIP 1059 - Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday_lying in a hospital bed dying of nothing | QUIP 1060 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather_it pays no attention to criticism | QUIP 1074 - Experience is something you dont get_until just after you need it |
| QUIP 1075 - When you reach the end of your rope_tie a knot in it and hang on | QUIP 1093 - The average dog is a nicer person_than the average person | QUIP 1094 - This will_knock you into next week | QUIP 1095 - Its nice to be important_but its more important to be nice |
| QUIP 1096 - The difficult is done at once_the impossible takes a little longer | QUIP 1098 - What is the most expensive commodity in the U.S | QUIP 1104 - The positive thinker see the invisible_feels the intangible_and | QUIP 1105 - Truth is more of a stranger_than fiction |
| QUIP 1106 - Failure is an attitude_not an outcome | Quip 0009 - Ever have one of those days _ when everything goes right | Quip 0025 - Are we having fun yet | Quip 0029 - As I said before _ I never repeat myself |
| Quip 0064 - There are good jokes_and better jokes_this one is the latter | Quip 0106 - Face the music | Quip 0109 - Finger lickn good | Quip 0129 - Growing old is mandatory _ growing up is optional |
| Quip 0140 - He needs surgery to shrink swollen tissues _ his vocal cords | Quip 0171 - Hot damn _ Look at this | Quip 0197 - I dont suffer from stress _ I am the carrier | Quip 0217 - I ran to the station _ only to find _ that the gravy train had already gone |
| Quip 0226 - I was going to procrastinate _ but I just put it off instead | Quip 0266 - In just two days _ tomorrow will be yesterday | Quip 0376 - Remember _ a verbal contract isnt worth_the paper its written on | Quip 0389 - Someday well look back on this_and turn it into a parking lot |
| Quip 0459 - What it is | Quip 0862 - Im not into working out _ my philosophy _ no pain _ no pain | Quip 0885 - That summer sun is hot _ so remember to use sun block _ before you moon somebody | Quip 0892 - Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, the other is the husband |
| Quip 0893 - A note _ from the chairman of the bored | Quip 0897 - If you do not stand behind our troops _ then perhaps _ you should stand in front of the | Quip 0898 - Accept that some days youre the pigeon _ some days the statue | Quip 0899 - Drive carefully _ Its not only cars that can be recalled by their maker |
| Quip 0900 - If you cant be kind _ at least have the decency to be vague | Quip 0901 - Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time _ because then you wont have a leg to | Quip 0902 - When everything is coming your way, youre in the wrong lane | Quip 0904 - Some mistakes _ are too much fun _ to only make once |
| Quip 0912 - At my age I still have sex almost every day_ on Mondays I almost have sex _ on Tuesdays | Quip 0915 - At my age I still chase women _ but only downhill | Quip 0916 - I survived _ Roe vs Wade | Quip 0917 - You know youre getting old _ when the candles cost more than the cake |
| Quip 0922 - Words that soak into your ears _ are whispered _ not yelled | Quip 0923 - Every path _ has a few puddles | Quip 0924 - When you wallow with pigs _ expect to get dirty | Quip 0925 - Dont judge folks _ by their relatives |
| Quip 0926 - Sometimes you get _ and sometimes you get got | Quip 0927 - I am never afraid _ to admit that I am right | Quip 0929 - If you will excuse me now _ I have some other people to annoy | Quip 0932 - Heres a quarter _ call someone who cares |
| Quip 0935 - At the end of the money _ I always have some month left | Quip 0936 - If you leave me _ can I come too | Quip 0937 - If there is no chocolate in heaven _ Im not going | Quip 0938 - My take home pay _ doesnt even take me home |
| Quip 0939 - That summer sun is hot _ so remember to use sun block _ before you moon somebody | Quip 0940 - My opinions may have changed _ but not the fact that I am right | Quip 0942 - Man invented language _ to satisfy his deep need to complain | Quip 0943 - Never deprive someone of hope _ it may be all they have |
| Quip 0944 - If it werent for lawyers _ we wouldnt need them | Quip 0946 - Thank me _ thank me very much | Quip 0947 - You can observe at lot _ by watching | Quip 0948 - I will tell you the truth _ as soon as I can figure it out |
| Quip 0949 - A hunch is creativity _ trying to tell you something | Quip 0950 - Any fool can criticize, condemn complain _ and most fools do | Quip 0951 - Sarcasm _ just one more service I offer | Quip 0952 - I wuz edukated _ in goviment skools |
| Quip 0954 - This will go over like _ a turd in a punch bowl | Quip 0959 - I must have been the early worm this morning _ cuz _ somebody gave me the bird | Quip 0960 - To write with a broken pencil _ is pointless | Quip 0961 - You are stuck with your debt _ if you cant budge it |
| Quip 0962 - When she saw her first strands of gray hair _ she thought shed dye | Quip 0967 - God called him _ but the line was busy | Quip 0968 - The problem with history is _ it repeats itself | Quip 0971 - Ive still got it _ but I dont know where I put it |
| Quip 0972 - The mind is like a parachute _ it works better when its open | | | |